Grotesque | Laura Spencer

I had to go turn some papers into one of the offices on campus. I turned into the office and asked the receptionist there who I needed to give the papers to. She told me the name and pointed out the room she was in. I headed toward the indicated door and knocked at the open door as I asked "Are you ___?" She responded with a big smile and ushered me into her office where she went through the papers efficiently and proceeded to ask me several questions about whether I had in fact completed this other form and turned it into this other office and etc.
I responded affirmatively in each case. However, as I responded to her questions my gaze kept wandering off to the right. I would realize my lapse and quickly jerk it back to center only to have my gaze continue to wander. After a while it dawned on me that the reason my gaze kept shifting was because her left eye was off center and the pupil of that eye was fixed off to the left instead of looking at me.

This was grotesque because the effect of the off-center eye was not immediately apparent. It snuck up on me as I was sitting in her office. Her other eye was perfectly normal and her friendliness and directness helped draw a person's attention away from the deformity. When I finally realized why my gaze kept wandering despite my best conscious effort to stay focused on her, I went through this belated moment in which all these questions ran through my head: Oh! That's what it is! How peculiar! No, no don't look, don't look...I wonder what the deal is with that eye. No, no, no DON'T LOOK, she's going to think you're prejudice toward her or something! What is that? What do I do? No, I said, don't look. All of this in a split second of time with (hopefully) barely flicker of this internal dialogue showing in my response. I was soon ushered out of her office and all I could think was: What was that!