Barn | Cassidy Berlin

I can see my breath in the chilling air as I sit on our front porch. I breath in heavily, hold it and then exhale, letting my chest fall towards the ground. For what seems like ages I finally lift the weight of my head up and slide my hands down my face until they are propped underneath my chin. Still, I watch the clouds my breath forms as it exits through my cold purple lips. Through the morning fog I can see our barn in the distance. I feel as though I almost have to squint in order to see it. I feel as though I am miles away from this barn covered in red paint. Paint that used to shine in the afternoon sun but lately it’s only been rained upon. And even though it’s so far away I can smell the soggy layers of paint practically sliding off the surface.

I stand up and start walking towards the barn. The more I walk the further it seems to be, as if the barn is fading away or even pulling away from me. Frustrated I start to run and then sprint until I’m finally standing right in front of it. I gasp for air as I set my hand against the wet layers of paint to prop my body up while I try to regain my strength. As I pull away the red paint is smothered all over the inside of my right hand. It starts to drip down my arm and I watch this paint run like water until it hits my elbow and falls off in tiny droplets.

I look up at the barn, although it feels as though I am looking down on it. When did everything start to feel so small? When did everything start to lose its color? It’s as if the rain has washed all that was once vibrant and bright away. Or maybe my tears have swept away all the beauty that my eyes once saw. Robbing me of what is real in life, making my senses feel numb. I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing the warm tears that instantly turn cold as they fall down my face. I imagine this barn how it used to be, beautiful and strong. I imagine a warm day with bright blue skies that add contrast to the smooth shiny red paint. If I can not open my eyes to these sights then I pray that I might someday see them again in my dreams.