Occasion | Morgan Haynes
Hallways have never felt so long, my heart never so desperate. As he pressed his sweet hand across his hardened plastic mask, and whispered the word "Off", the unforgiving reality struck. Our entire family gathered around him, each placing their loving hands against his deteriorating body as the nurse removed his mask. The moment that I had dreaded my entire life lay seconds away and directly in front of me. My spirit ached deeper than I could have ever imagined possible and my heart pained immeasurably.
A million thoughts rushed to my mind. Have I told you how wonderful you are? Do you know how much joy you have brought into my life? Did I show you how much you mean to me? Was it enough? Do you know how much I love you?
I begged over and over, "God please just let me trade places" “I don’t want him to go!” All I wanted to do was scream out in desperation, but it was a though no one could here me.
I remember knowing that the right thing to do was to let him go to a place where he would no longer suffer. But my selfish heart kept pleading "Just one more second Shawn, Please don't go!"
I stood there watching our mother's hand rub gently down his face as she softly whispered "It's ok my baby, go home now, you have fought a good fight...." It was in this very moment I witnessed the truest extent of a mother's love. She held him and loved him right in, all the way through, and out of this world.
As he took his last breath a part of my life was lost forever. My brother, my friend, my hero was no longer going to be there across the hall. Who was going to tease me? What about helping me with my homework? Who was going to sing "Friends in Low Places" in oversized cow boy boots with me? Who is going to tell me I look beautiful when I wake up with crazy hair and smeared make up?
My entire life I had dreaded this moment, but as I stood there with our family surrounding him, I realized that watching him struggle to breathe, to walk, to eat, to suffer day in and day out was the worst thing.
I knew the moment he drew his last breath was the moment he was truly set free. While this was the hardest thing I have ever experienced being there as my brother passed was truly the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. It wiped away my fear of death.
Finally losing his battle with Cystic Fibrosis on November 19 of 2004 my brother was able to breathe for the first time in thirty six years.
A million thoughts rushed to my mind. Have I told you how wonderful you are? Do you know how much joy you have brought into my life? Did I show you how much you mean to me? Was it enough? Do you know how much I love you?
I begged over and over, "God please just let me trade places" “I don’t want him to go!” All I wanted to do was scream out in desperation, but it was a though no one could here me.
I remember knowing that the right thing to do was to let him go to a place where he would no longer suffer. But my selfish heart kept pleading "Just one more second Shawn, Please don't go!"
I stood there watching our mother's hand rub gently down his face as she softly whispered "It's ok my baby, go home now, you have fought a good fight...." It was in this very moment I witnessed the truest extent of a mother's love. She held him and loved him right in, all the way through, and out of this world.
As he took his last breath a part of my life was lost forever. My brother, my friend, my hero was no longer going to be there across the hall. Who was going to tease me? What about helping me with my homework? Who was going to sing "Friends in Low Places" in oversized cow boy boots with me? Who is going to tell me I look beautiful when I wake up with crazy hair and smeared make up?
My entire life I had dreaded this moment, but as I stood there with our family surrounding him, I realized that watching him struggle to breathe, to walk, to eat, to suffer day in and day out was the worst thing.
I knew the moment he drew his last breath was the moment he was truly set free. While this was the hardest thing I have ever experienced being there as my brother passed was truly the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. It wiped away my fear of death.
Finally losing his battle with Cystic Fibrosis on November 19 of 2004 my brother was able to breathe for the first time in thirty six years.
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