Punchline | Cora Bryan

I was scheduled to work in the Alzheimer’s unit. The scrubs hid my pregnant belly rather well, and I wore pigtails because at the time, it was the easiest way to keep my short hair back.

We had one more person to get up. She was Hispanic and could understand English, but could only speak Spanish, thinking that she was speaking the same language. I tried to take her to the bathroom were I would help get her dressed, but for some reason, she wouldn’t let me. She just rambled on and on about niña and something I couldn’t understand. I tried to guide her and pull her up but “oh, no, no, no.” She would say. Then she’d start to ramble again. I tried to show her cloths and explain what I would do. She just laughed and said something I could not comprehend. I even said “Porfivor…” Still nothing.

Finally I came up with the brilliant plan of getting an interpreter on the phone. Turned out, the women thought I was too little to do this sort of stuff, and she didn’t want a girl to see her like that. Realizing it was a mistake to wear pigtails, I tried to explain to her that I was really an adult. She would not believe me. So, I showed her my belly. She looked confused. I pulled my scrubs tight against my belly so she could see I was pregnant, than I pointed at it. “Bambino” I said, not realizing that was an Italian word. I could see the wheels turning in her head though. Then her eyes started to grow and I thought, good, she finally gets it. But those eyes got real big and I it was then I could tell that this wasn’t good. She took a deep breath while I held mine and shaking her finger she said:

“OOO! HOOCHIE MAMA!”

Needless to say, the other aid had gotten her up. And I will always remember never to wear pigtails in the Alzheimer’s unit again.