Beautiful Wisdom | Janette Jones

Families are the strongest thing in the world that too many of us let go of.

Lukeman Exercise Part Two | Janette Jones

I chose to look for a place in my work that contains a cluster of short sentences that are related to each other, and connected theses sentences with semicolons.

I think that it helps the paragraph run smoother, and I will apply it to the rest of my paper.

Original:
I arrived at my destination, Gamara. Streets filled with run down shops and dirty vendors. People everywhere. I had come to this particular shopping area with my grandma before. I thought nothing of coming her by myself, despite the warnings from my family. I walked from shop to shop. I was buying things to tote back to my friends and family in the United States.

Revised:
I arrived at my destination; it was called Gamara. Streets filled with run down shops and dirty vendors brought people buzzing around like flies. I had come to this particular shopping area with my grandma before; so I thought nothing of coming here by myself, despite the warnings from my family. I walked from shop to shop, buying things to tote back to my friends and family in the United States.

Lukeman Exercise Part One | Janette Jones

I chose to choose a short sentence from my work, and make it longer without combinding it wil the material preceding or following it.

Two years ago I moved to Peru, which is where my mother was born and raised. I lived with my grandma. Three days before I came home I went shopping for some things to bring home to my friends and family.

I lived with my grandma Gabriela, the same woman I named my baby boy after; I loved her very much.

Or

I stayed in my grandma Gabby's house, on the street named Venezuela, with my Grandma, or abuelita, my aunt Janet, and my cousin Kelly, who is a tramp.

Or

My grandma Rosa Gabriela Santander de Guzman, who went by Gabby to those who knew her well, and Gabriela to those who didn't know her as well; she was abuelita to me.