Lukeman Exercise Three / Karrie Gull

There were no exercises at the end of section three. I liked what Lukeman said about the use of the question mark. Sometimes i have a problem with using the question mark in an improper way. I didn't realize it, but i often use the question mark as lukeman says, "to immediately hook the reader in a cheap way." I find that I often start a short story with the use and continue to frequently use the question mark throughout some of my work. With this knowledge i will work on limiting my use of the comma.

Lukeman Exercise 3 | Corinn B. Sessions

At the end of the book in section three, Lukeman cautions us as writers not to use certain punctuation marks, and if we ever did for stylistic purposes, to use them rarely. I just want to see if I can actually write something using all of the "hands off" marks: the question mark? And the exclamation point! As well as italics....ellipsis...and the hyphen-mark. (I've already violated so many rules. It's fun!) Underline, [brackets], and bold were completely off limits! I'm not sure I can use them.

Well, I guess I already did that exercise. I bet I failed.

Lukeman Exercise Part 2 | Little

TASK:
You can learn a lot about section breaks by studying how poets use stanza breaks. Read through a wide variety of poetry, looking specifically for these breaks. When are the poets using stanza breaks? What does it add to the poem? What can this teach you about section breaks? How might this principle be applied to your own writing?

Poets seem to use stanza breaks to represent changes in either topics or themes, or when they have a new statement that doesn't tie into the last one. They even use them just to create drama; as in a dramatic pause. It adds a sense of reality, a sense of humanity and a sense of connection. It draws you in and makes you feel for the words: forcing emotions.

I never really thought about (well never say never, but almost never) using the spaces to create a statement; I had always used the words themselves alone. I believe now I will be able to maximize impact by combining both my words, and the spaces and pauses of the entire page.

An American Prayer

I wish I could, I hope I might
neVER have to kill or fight.

But a l l those men that died for me,
made for me this country free.

We won't forget how hard they fought,
and theywon'tforget from Whom they sought.

The One that could show----------------- the way,
His home in heaven is far away.

Lukeman Exercise Part Two | William B. Gray

I decided to shorten paragraphs. To keep the sense in it, I didn't really change anything, so it mainly just adjusts the timing of the piece.

Here's the revised edition: (here's the original)

The wind howled outside my bedroom window. I knew it was cold. I still wanted to be out shooting pictures of the night. Mom said I'd catch a cold. I didn't care about that.

There were so many things to explore at night. First there were the stars. They called me to take pictures of them with my shutter open for hours. I'd bundle up to stay warm. Mom didn't care. She'd never understand. But I just had to go out in to the night.

It snowed yesterday too. There's a full moon tonight. I couldn't wait for the day to take pictures of the snow and the moon. The sun would ruin everything. I'd have to keep the shutter mostly closed. The clouds would just be in one spot in the picture. With the shutter open I could let the clouds move softly across the frame.

The wind still howled. I decided to defy Mom and take pictures of the night without her permission. I opened my window to check the temperature. The wind took my breath away. It had to be well below zero. I gathered up the camera and some film. Then I grabbed my tripod and a coat.

Where are my gloves? I couldn't find them. I tried to think of where I left them. Then I remembered. In my coat pockets. They were right where I left them. I crept through the door. Mom might be awake. I had to be quiet so that I didn't disturb her. I tip-toed down the stairs. I tried to avoid the noisy stairs. Finally I opened the back door. I stepped out into the cold.

Lukeman Exercise Part Two | Celeste Johnson

I have always known the basic use of a colon taught in elementary school. I never knew that I could add it to my writing and be creative with its use. That was an exciting revelation! I poured over all sorts of pieces I am working on trying to find one that I could add a colon or two, changing the structure and pace for the better. Here is a selection from the short fiction piece I am working on before I changed it:

A bit of extra dust kicked up in the breeze, blowing up his nose. He sneezes then grimaces, as the pain in his thigh resonates through his battered body. He leans back against the jagged rock and looks at his lame, blood coated leg. It is now that Hank decides rescue may not come. No one knew exactly where he went. He mutters self-loathing criticism under his breath. He must be vigilant to stay awake, sleep would end badly. Trying to keep his mind alert, he occupies it by remembering how he got into this predicament.

Here is a few changes (including also some of the things learned from part one of Lukeman's book):

A bit of extra dust kicked up in the breeze blows up his nose. He sneezes, then grimaces as the pain in his thigh resonates through his battered body. He leans back against the jagged rock and looks at his lame, blood coated leg. It is now that Hank decides rescue may not come; no one knew exactly where he went. He mutters self-loathing criticism under his breath. He must be vigilant to stay awake: sleep would end badly. Trying to keep his mind alert, he occupies it with memories of how he got into this predicament.

I learned more than I thought I did. I don't know if anyone can really notice the differences between the two, but I did. I like the emphasis on the "sleep would end badly" part. I don't have the previous paragraph posted here, so it might not make much sense, but for the overall piece, it adds a lot to the story. I love these new realizations about creative writing punctuation.

Lukeman Excercise Part Two | Benjamin Dowse

I decided to continue to work on the paragraph from excercise one because I think that the addition of a colon or two would improve it greatly. Here is the original, followed by revision including use of the colon.

Here it was, the culmination of a lifetime of hunting. There was only one animal from the "big 10" that he hadn't yet killed, and this animal had only been elusive because of the prohibitive price of hunting opportunities. Now was his chance for the buffalo. He had already paid for the opportunity to shoot one of the buffalo on this range and he greatly looked forward to the challenge. Waiting in green shadow, he heard as they rounded the buffalo toward him. As he tensed in anticipation, the buffalo charged into the middle of the clearing. He sized it up in his scope.

After a lifetime of hunting, waiting for this opportunity to finally come, he was finally here: he was ready. There was only one animal from the "big 10" that he hadn't yet killed, and this animal had only been elusive because of the prohibitive price of hunting opportunities. Now was his chance for the buffalo. He had already paid for the opportunity to shoot one of the buffalo on this range and he greatly looked forward to the challenge. Waiting in green shadow, he heard as they rounded the buffalo toward him. He tensed in anticipation, the buffalo charged into the middle of the clearing: he sized it up in his scope.

I think the addition of the colons in this paragraph make it much more dramatic. I like the way it "sounds" now.

Lukeman Exercise Part Two| Cassidy Maxwell

before:
A delicate, white butterfly fleets in and out of the contrasted green sage brush. blooming with luminous yellow flowers that overwhelm the bush. the butterfly seems overwhelmed too by the copious amount of blooms. it seems she floats over the blooms trying to decide which on has the sweetest nectar, which one can tempt her to land. after tedious searching she lands suddenly, catching me by surprise. this is so opposite from her constant flutter. she sits still on the flower extracting nectar from the internal bloom. that's the only time a butterfly is still, being distracted by sweet. her white silhouette last only a moment on the sage brush, the moment now gone. the wind has picked up and she movies with it, ever more collecting more sweet nectar in order to survive.
During:
I found that my sentences can use more ump by using the dashes within my work. I mostly just use commas or start another sentence-it seems I'm afraid to distract the reader by using a dash or parentheses. I choose to use exercise 4, to spice up my writing by adding dashes or parentheses. here is my work-
After:
A delicate, White butterfly fleets in and out of the contrasted green sage-blooming with luminous yellow flowers that overwhelm the bush.
by connecting these two sentences i actually bring the reader in by adding more detail to the sage. when i had them separated by a period, i felt the reader would not know i was talking about the sage still.
After tedious searching, she lands-catching me by surprise.
by adding the dash here I add more dimension to my sentence. I get to explain what the butterfly is doing but also add my own thoughts. this brings my perspective and thoughts into the piece.

Lukeman Exercise Part Two | Chris Tash

After reading up to this point I've noticed I have always had colons and semicolons confused. Can you blame me? Should have different names! Anyway, I tend to use semicolons when I want to put the driving end point, the real meaning. I now, however, realize I've been misusing this. Oh well, live and learn. I went ahead and found a piece of writing that I've been questioning for a while. It displays my childish misuse of the semicolon and also doesn't have the opportunity to fully convey the meaning I intended.

Before:
I think the sky can begin to wilt. It's all connected to our imagination. When you look into the sky what do you see? I usually see blue, a cloud, or a sunset. Beyond that? I see dual stars wrapping around each other and a chaotic mix of dust and planets fighting around them. I see enormous, solar system scale, clouds of colored dust. The bending of time as a star exhales for the final time. And then what? I'm not sure.. So, tell me, does the sky end where my imagination ends? It has too. With that theory in mind, ask yourself when the sky ends.

After:
I think the sky can begin to wilt. It's all connected to our imagination. When you look into the sky what do you see? I usually see blue, a cloud, or a sunset. Beyond that? I see dual stars wrapping around each other and a chaotic mix of dust and planets fighting around them. I see enormous, solar system scale, clouds of colored dust. The bending of time as a star exhales for the final time. And then what? I'm not sure. The sky must end the moment my imagination does: it's required too.

I actually did a few things to this but it was all for the sake of improving the strength of the point. For starters, I decided to transform the rhetorical question into a statement. This forced me to change the wording a bit. By adding the colon I was able to give it a stronger end. 'Required' was added as well for more definite power. Lastly, the final sentence was removed. The paragraph needed to end where it started. To come full circle. Anyway, yay, I liked it.

Lukeman Excercise Part Two | Marjorie Riches

Original Description:
My dates name was Jessica and her shirt was hanging off of her like a window drape, barely keeping the light out. I knew she had done it for me, wanting me to see what I had the chance to get tonight. I wasn't impressed.

New Description:
My dates name was Jessica and her shirt was hanging off of her like a window drape, barely keeping the light out. I knew she had done it for me, wanting me to see what I had the chance to get tonight: I wasn't impressed.

I think that adding the colon changes the effect of the last line. I can't decide whether it is the effect I want or not. I never really use colons in my work and I think that I should start using them more. I think that that will help me to get used to them and to realize that they really do add the emphasis. In this description, the last par "I wasn't impressed" is the most important line. I do think that the colon helps it to stand out and shows its importance in summing up everything about this date.

Lukeman Part 1 | Keisha McGovern

Choose a sentence from your work that might be confusing to the reader, or perhaps too open for interpretation.
When I was a little girl, my brother and I had these two fishes who were beta's. They were our favorite because of all the wonderful colors they had on them. These were the only pets we could have because we lived in an apartment complex that did not allow other animals excepts fish. Well when we were both younger, my parents divorced and my dad had visitation in the summer time. So when summer came, we had to leave our wonderful fishes with my mom; who promised she would take very good care of them. So my brother and I went on with our daily lives for the summer having fun with my dad and family. It was time to go back home to my moms house, and we were so excited to see our fishes. We ran right into the house and my mom sat there and told us that she had some bad news, we were like OK. She said that when she went to clean our fish bowls, she forgot to add water to the bowl when she put the fishes back and killed them. We were both heartbroken, because to us these were our pals. Needless to say my mother had a new nickname, " the fish killer."

Lukeman Exercise Part 1 | Little

TASK: Begin a new piece of creative writing. Write for an entire page without using a single comma. How does it affect the writing? The story? The character? Can you incorporate any of this into your greater work?

Doritos and sunflower seeds and diet coke and water lots and lots of water. That's what decided to make a visit on my lovely drive home. Orange slimy chunky liquid just kept coming. It wouldn't stop.

I was stressing over some recent events that have occurred over the past month and decided to take a mini-vacation. Boy was that a bad idea. Basically I have decided that you just have to suck it up and deal otherwise you will just go crazy trying to fix other people and their bad attitudes. This is not to say that I haven't known this before now but now I am openly adamant that it is just a total waste of my time.

I was having a good time relaxing and soaking in all of my free time doing what I wanted and nothing more. Now I am a very responsible person and for all sakes and purposes I will go out of my way even if it becomes a pain in my ass to make sure I do the responsible thing. I was no different this time but mother nature no no no I'd be lying if I gave her too much credit but it was just my biology that had other plans. The stress even though I tried to relax of being so perfect or trying to be was too much for my body and boy did it let me know.

It wasn't fifteen minutes into the drive home before the contents of my inner-workings started to reveal themselves as if to say hello you bastard long time no see! It was an orange nightmare but luckily I had some protection and a slight warning of the coup d'etat that had decided to mount the attack at that very moment. I grabbed my thin yet ever-so-thick-enough blue-tinted Wal-Mart sack complete with yellow smiley face. Boy was I happy to have something left in my car to protect me from the spewing agent orange. I usually complain about not having a tidy car because it is a reflection (even if somewhat self-imposed) of my persona. People see my car and they catch a slight glimpse into my life and I would just roll-over and die if they thought I was unorganized though I'm not so sure why that is.

The incident did not end my dealings with the darkside but they continued throughout the night and on into the next day. That damned overthrow performed by my lovely and apparently unhappy digestive tract were intruding on my schoolwork. And damnit no one comes between me and responsibility ever! But the orange nightmare wouldn't end. I was forced to miss my classes not because I wanted to but because I had started to walk to class and the urge to reveal my true colors would contain itself no longer. I was doomed. And I know what you are thinking most kids would jump at the chance hell they'd even pay for a good excuse as this but still to me it was an excuse.

I had to make an executive decision and barricade myself from exposing anyone else with my toxic sludge and so I stayed home. I eventually made it to the doctor's office and they made sure that I got an appointment and was ordered to rest and do nothing. That's the killer to not be able to do anything when you have so much to do. Again you probably think why is she complaining and I tell you because I cannot be idle. It will kill me.

I will not find out until tomorrow what the verdict is in this ongoing trial but I will be sure and let you know if it is life-threatening. Then again I could be unable as it could take me at any momeeeeeemmnjbhgfgfvub

NOTES: Wow. That was harder than I thought. I didn't think it would be hard, but I tend to emphasize things when I write. I guess commas can be overwhelming as well. But in this exercise I realized how important they are to writing, and they help clarify the misunderstood when they are used properly. I re-read this a few dozen times, and without the commas I find myself reading slower and not remembering what it was that I meant by saying some of the things I wrote. I also seem to ramble when I describe things, at least it seems that way to myself. It was eye-opening to say the least.

Lukeman Exercise Part Two | Janette Jones

I chose to look for a place in my work that contains a cluster of short sentences that are related to each other, and connected theses sentences with semicolons.

I think that it helps the paragraph run smoother, and I will apply it to the rest of my paper.

Original:
I arrived at my destination, Gamara. Streets filled with run down shops and dirty vendors. People everywhere. I had come to this particular shopping area with my grandma before. I thought nothing of coming her by myself, despite the warnings from my family. I walked from shop to shop. I was buying things to tote back to my friends and family in the United States.

Revised:
I arrived at my destination; it was called Gamara. Streets filled with run down shops and dirty vendors brought people buzzing around like flies. I had come to this particular shopping area with my grandma before; so I thought nothing of coming here by myself, despite the warnings from my family. I walked from shop to shop, buying things to tote back to my friends and family in the United States.

Lukeman Excercise Part One | Marjorie Riches

Original:
We were all fine though until we saw them. Little glowing eyes in the woods next to the stream where we had gutted our fish. Great, there were bears on the island. All of a sudden our little campout didn't seem so fun.

New Sentence:
All of a sudden our little unplanned, makeshift campout in the middle of nowhere with no food and no idea of where we were at didn't seem so fun.

In context:
We were all fine though until we saw them. Little glowing eyes in the woods next to the stream where we had gutted our fish. Great, there were bears on the island. All of a sudden our little unplanned, makeshift campout in the middle of nowhere with no food and no idea of where we were at didn't seem so fun.

Lukeman Exercise Part One | Tyson Pulsipher

I took one of my sentences that was longer, and made it into short choppy sentences. To me it seems effective, as it kind of builds dramatically on what is about to happen in the story. Also, the sentences following the revision are longer, so I feel it mixes it up a bit.

Original:
My brother went first, he always did, I don’t think it was because he was fearless, but because he wanted to show me that he was tougher than I was.

Revised:
My brother went first. He always did. I don't think it was because he was fearless. He just wanted to show me that he was tougher. He had some trouble getting down, and the ladder almost fell out from under him, but he made it. I had witnessed the whole thing though, and I could see in my mind that ladder falling out from underneath me, and my body crashing to the ground, falling on top of the ladder, breaking bones and all sorts of other things.

Lukeman Exercise Part 1 | Samantha Gay

I have trouble with using too many commas in my writing, so I started a new piece of fiction and wrote a page without using a single comma.

The children laughed as they ran up the green sloping hill. They had just escaped from their mothers’ watchful gaze and were running into the trees. It would be fun to play their game of hide and seek there. Kyle reached the edge of the woods before any of the other children did and turned to watch them as they came running through the long grass of the field. They weren’t too far behind him. Kyle folded his arms and waited patiently. He was the oldest of the children and felt responsible for his younger sisters and cousins. They trusted him and looked up to him; he was nearly ten after all.
Soon the other children had joined him in the shade of the trees.
“What game should we play?” He asked as he looked around the circle of children.
“Indians and settlers!” Alex shouted excitedly.
“Pirates!” Sam shouted at the same time. The two boys glared at each other but Jane’s shout distracted them.
“I want to play princesses and princes.” Jane declared. “And so do Kyle and Chris.”
Kyle felt annoyed. He hadn’t said anything about wanting to play that game. It sounded boring.
“No I don’t.” Kyle announced angrily. “I wanted to play Three Musketeers.”
The other children looked at him and then at each other.
“What kind of a game is that?” Kayla asked. “What is a musketeers?”
“A musketeer is a sword person. They are in book that my Daddy is reading. He told me about it last night.” Kyle said as he picked up a long tree branch and gave it an experimental swing. “It’s about four men who are really good at sword fighting and all of their battles.” He brandished the tree branch in Sam’s direction. “I wanted Daddy to read it to me but he said that I was too young.”
The other children perked up at this. A forbidden story was interesting.
“Can it have princesses in it?” Jane asked and her big eyes looked at Kyle eagerly.
“I guess so.” Kyle said distractedly; he was fencing with Alex. He added quickly. “But only if we musketeers don’t have to get married to you.”
Jane and Kayla clapped their hands and smiled.
“Ok! This will be fun! You will have to fight to free us from the evil bad-guys and swear to protect us forever!”
Kyle dodged a blow from Sam.
“Alright.” He said vaguely to Jane as he fought. Girls could be so boring sometimes. Why were the knights in stories always rescuing damsels? If he were a knight he wouldn’t have wasted time with girls; he would have used time far more wisely by conquering the world.
Kyle lunged forward and drew his stick across Alex’s chest. “You’re dead!”
Alex collapsed on the ground and groaned.
“Arrgg…you’ve killed me!”
Sam wiped his brow and stared down at his brother.
“Arg? We aren’t pirates. We are musketeers!”
“What do we say then?” Alex asked as he stood.
“I’ll show you.” Kyle said and held his stick high in the air.
“All for one and one for all!” He yelled.
Sam and Alex held their sticks up and shouted with him.
“All for one and one for all!”

Without commas it was really difficult not to let the sentences get too choppy and to keep the work flowing. It kind of worked, since my characters were children and the short sentences made the piece seem more childlike. It was really hard not to use a single comma, and I had to correct myself several times when I would automatically use them. This assignment also made me realize how much I appreciate the comma in writing, and was good practice for varying sentences in my larger works.

Lukeman Exercise Part One | Lara Bennett

Original Paragraph:
At the Starbucks on Green Valley and Pebble, a man is often found behind the bar, working the later shifts. His name is Grant. When your grande triple shot pumpkin spice frappucino is ready, he'll slam it on the counter and announce it loudly to the whole store in his deep, bellowing voice. "PUMPKIN SPICE FRAPPUCINO ON THE BAR!" he'll exclaim, causing shannon and i to erupt in a fit of giggles. Grant met his wife at the Renaissance Fair, where she was bellydancing. It was love at first sight, and one year later, at the same location where their hearts and eyes first met, they were bonded there in front of all their friends and family.
Grant is not a small man, beefy at a good 6 foot 2 inches. But his wife towers over him, especially when she wears her high heeled hiking boots. Her hair is down to her waist, even longer than his. She picks him up from work every evening and they often take out mexican food from next door.


Revised paragraph, using drastically varying sentence lengths
A man named Grant works the late shifts at Starbucks. Whn your grande triple shot pumpkin spice frappucino is ready, he'll slam it on the counter and announce loudly to the store, "PUMPKIN SPICE FRAPPUCINO ON THE BAR!", causing Shannon and I to erupt in a fit of giggles. Grant's wife is a bellydancer. They met at the Renaissance Fair. It was love at first sight, and one hear later, at the same location where their hearts and eyes first met, they were bonded in front of all their friends and family.
Grant is 6 foot 2. His wife is even taller, towering over him in her high heeled hiking boots, with hair down to her waist, even longer than his. She picks him up from work. They often take out Mexican food.

Such sentence structure causes instability, unsteadiness, and a jolty tone. A paragraph with uniform sentence lenghts gives off a more fluid, manageable, acquiescent tone.

Lukeman Exercise Part One | Melissa Erickson

ORIGINAL PARAGRAPH:
Once again girls, we only saw a split moment of this heinous crime. Please do not expect us to leap off our porch, and run to you hysterically screaming about details we have no way of even possibly knowing. The story was simple. We told you everything. It would be wrong of us to tell you the story of three, perfectly described men who crept through the night so that they may gaze upon the women they love. However, since the blinds were drawn, they were filled with rage and beat against the glass in the anger of their true heart’s desires being hidden away.It would also not be ethical of us to tell you the story of three lost Chipendale dancers who were knocking against windows in desperation for a place to stay and shield themselves from the biting 80 degree weather. Once inside, they would express their gratitude by performing a spectacular dance number for you, and perhaps even marry some of you. Since you were too late to come to the window, they darted down the street and ended up staying at your best friend’s apartment. You will be getting a wedding invitation in two weeks.

REVISED WITH SEMICOLONS:
Once again girls, we only saw a split moment of this heinous crime. Please do not expect us to leap off our porch, and run to you hysterically screaming about details we have no way of even possibly knowing. The story was simple; we told you everything. It would be wrong of us to tell you the story of three, perfectly described men who crept through the night so that they may gaze upon the women they love; however, since the blinds were drawn, they were filled with rage and beat against the glass in the anger of their true heart’s desires being hidden away.It would also not be ethical of us to tell you the story of three lost Chipendale dancers who were knocking against windows in desperation for a place to stay and shield themselves from the biting 80 degree weather. Once inside, they would express their gratitude by performing a spectacular dance number for you, and perhaps even marry some of you. Since you were too late to come to the window, they darted down the street and ended up staying at your best friend’s apartment; you will be getting a wedding invitation in two weeks.

I ended up adding three semicolons (highlighted in red.) Alot of my sentences seem too short to end with a period, and by adding a semicolon it reduced the "chopiness" and seemed to make it flow alot better. The paragraph now has sentences that are similar length, instead of when it had shorter ones that changed the tempo.

Lukeman Exercise Part One | Janette Jones

I chose to choose a short sentence from my work, and make it longer without combinding it wil the material preceding or following it.

Two years ago I moved to Peru, which is where my mother was born and raised. I lived with my grandma. Three days before I came home I went shopping for some things to bring home to my friends and family.

I lived with my grandma Gabriela, the same woman I named my baby boy after; I loved her very much.

Or

I stayed in my grandma Gabby's house, on the street named Venezuela, with my Grandma, or abuelita, my aunt Janet, and my cousin Kelly, who is a tramp.

Or

My grandma Rosa Gabriela Santander de Guzman, who went by Gabby to those who knew her well, and Gabriela to those who didn't know her as well; she was abuelita to me.

Lukeman Exercise Part One / Karrie Gull

I decided to do the exercise on pg # 68, 1st bullet. It says to write an entire page without using a single comma. How did it effect my writing? It was very difficult to keep thing smooth, although I probably failed in that attempt. I never realized how heavily I rely on the comma. I suppose I have overused the comma in many circumstances in my writing. The main character in this story is me. I found it hard to bring in another character without putting in comma’s. Even using dialogue would have been hard without the constant use of comma’s. This exercise has helped me to see how I write, and how I can improve.
Anyway here is my little short creative piece without comma’s:

What was going on? I was finding thinking abnormally hard at the moment. Perhaps the problem was the wind. I knew the wind was capable of effecting abnormal things. I could only think of a couple examples at the moment; it was a good excuse for me. Not only was my thinking being effected by the wind. Now my mood was being effected by the gusts that swayed the trees too and fro. I sat swiftly down on a bench; closing my eyes. I needed to get a grip. For a moment I allowed my mind to drift away. It couldn't hurt for just a moment. Around me everything was suddenly bright and sunny. The trees surrounding me were lime green and no wind made there presence sway. The smell in the air was wonderful. I could feel my body begin to relax. This was my place. I imagined the best of days with the best of circumstances. I pretended for a moment that my life was not what it was. I was a graduate with a successful degree. I had a home of my own and all my bills were paid at the moment. Maybe I was even happily married. Passerby’s may have been thinking I was a total nutcase. Let them think what they want. I didn’t care. My daydream was wonderful even if I knew it could not last. Life would have to go on like always. I needed to get going on my homework. It was not going to wait much longer. I knew if I kept putting off my responsibilities I was going to be in a world of trouble. College life was picking up swiftly and I was going to be buried soon. I needed to pull myself out of this day dream. I was not excited to attend to my same boring routine. At that moment someone shook my shoulder. I was ripped back to the unpleasant present. What the heck! There stood my best friend; worry was in her eyes. She asked if I was alright. I replied by nodding and slowly closing my eyes once more.

Lukeman Exercise Part One | William B. Gray

I decided to write a short story without using any commas. I found that to still be grammatically correct a lot of my sentences were very short, which fragmented the story a bit. Then I also noticed that it was rather impossible to use things like: "Alas, ..." and "Of course, ...", which I use a lot in my writing. I probably could stand to not use things like "Of course, ..." quite so much.

For the character, it does create a kind of urgency. He has a pressing need to get outside, and short sentences help to emphasize his anxiousness to leave the house, especially w/o his mother knowing about it.

Here's the story:

The wind howled outside my bedroom window. I knew it was cold. I still wanted to be out shooting pictures of the night. Mom said I'd catch a cold. I didn't care about that. There were so many things to explore at night. First there were the stars. They called me to take pictures of them with my shutter open for hours. I'd bundle up to stay warm. Mom didn't care. She'd never understand. But I just had to go out in to the night.

It snowed yesterday too. There's a full moon tonight. I couldn't wait for the day to take pictures of the snow and the moon. The sun would ruin everything. I'd have to keep the shutter mostly closed. The clouds would just be in one spot in the picture. With the shutter open I could let the clouds move softly across the frame.

The wind still howled. I decided to defy Mom and take pictures of the night without her permission. I opened my window to check the temperature. The wind took my breath away. It had to be well below zero. I gathered up the camera and some film. Then I grabbed my tripod and a coat. Where are my gloves? I couldn't find them. I tried to think of where I left them. Then I remembered. In my coat pockets. They were right where I left them. I crept through the door. Mom might be awake. I had to be quiet so that I didn't disturb her. I tip-toed down the stairs. I tried to avoid the noisy stairs. Finally I opened the back door. I stepped out into the cold.