Lukeman Exercise Part Two | Chris Tash
After reading up to this point I've noticed I have always had colons and semicolons confused. Can you blame me? Should have different names! Anyway, I tend to use semicolons when I want to put the driving end point, the real meaning. I now, however, realize I've been misusing this. Oh well, live and learn. I went ahead and found a piece of writing that I've been questioning for a while. It displays my childish misuse of the semicolon and also doesn't have the opportunity to fully convey the meaning I intended.
Before:
I think the sky can begin to wilt. It's all connected to our imagination. When you look into the sky what do you see? I usually see blue, a cloud, or a sunset. Beyond that? I see dual stars wrapping around each other and a chaotic mix of dust and planets fighting around them. I see enormous, solar system scale, clouds of colored dust. The bending of time as a star exhales for the final time. And then what? I'm not sure.. So, tell me, does the sky end where my imagination ends? It has too. With that theory in mind, ask yourself when the sky ends.
After:
I think the sky can begin to wilt. It's all connected to our imagination. When you look into the sky what do you see? I usually see blue, a cloud, or a sunset. Beyond that? I see dual stars wrapping around each other and a chaotic mix of dust and planets fighting around them. I see enormous, solar system scale, clouds of colored dust. The bending of time as a star exhales for the final time. And then what? I'm not sure. The sky must end the moment my imagination does: it's required too.
I actually did a few things to this but it was all for the sake of improving the strength of the point. For starters, I decided to transform the rhetorical question into a statement. This forced me to change the wording a bit. By adding the colon I was able to give it a stronger end. 'Required' was added as well for more definite power. Lastly, the final sentence was removed. The paragraph needed to end where it started. To come full circle. Anyway, yay, I liked it.
Before:
I think the sky can begin to wilt. It's all connected to our imagination. When you look into the sky what do you see? I usually see blue, a cloud, or a sunset. Beyond that? I see dual stars wrapping around each other and a chaotic mix of dust and planets fighting around them. I see enormous, solar system scale, clouds of colored dust. The bending of time as a star exhales for the final time. And then what? I'm not sure.. So, tell me, does the sky end where my imagination ends? It has too. With that theory in mind, ask yourself when the sky ends.
After:
I think the sky can begin to wilt. It's all connected to our imagination. When you look into the sky what do you see? I usually see blue, a cloud, or a sunset. Beyond that? I see dual stars wrapping around each other and a chaotic mix of dust and planets fighting around them. I see enormous, solar system scale, clouds of colored dust. The bending of time as a star exhales for the final time. And then what? I'm not sure. The sky must end the moment my imagination does: it's required too.
I actually did a few things to this but it was all for the sake of improving the strength of the point. For starters, I decided to transform the rhetorical question into a statement. This forced me to change the wording a bit. By adding the colon I was able to give it a stronger end. 'Required' was added as well for more definite power. Lastly, the final sentence was removed. The paragraph needed to end where it started. To come full circle. Anyway, yay, I liked it.
Labels: Chris Tash, Lukeman, punctuation
posted by Christopher Tash | 1:36 AM
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