Lukeman Excercise Part Two | Marjorie Riches

Original Description:
My dates name was Jessica and her shirt was hanging off of her like a window drape, barely keeping the light out. I knew she had done it for me, wanting me to see what I had the chance to get tonight. I wasn't impressed.

New Description:
My dates name was Jessica and her shirt was hanging off of her like a window drape, barely keeping the light out. I knew she had done it for me, wanting me to see what I had the chance to get tonight: I wasn't impressed.

I think that adding the colon changes the effect of the last line. I can't decide whether it is the effect I want or not. I never really use colons in my work and I think that I should start using them more. I think that that will help me to get used to them and to realize that they really do add the emphasis. In this description, the last par "I wasn't impressed" is the most important line. I do think that the colon helps it to stand out and shows its importance in summing up everything about this date.