Lukeman Exercise Part Three | Kimberly Bennett

I didn’t see a third exercise listed, so I figured I’d take this opportunity to have a little fun with punctuation. I liked how the book said that punctuation should be used to enhance text, not clarify. I feel like we’ve been taught quite the opposite for most of our lives. So, I guess I’ll take this moment to play with some of my favorite punctuation and see if I can be affective.


An Extremely Brief Overview of the History of Music

FIRST: there was rhythm.

From the beginning of time (meaning somewhere between the creation and the whole apple incident) there has been a beat.
DUH, DU DU DU DU! DUH, DU DU DU DU!
The pulsation echoed through valleys and bounced off of mountainsides; frightening dinosaurs and small birds.
Then after rhythm, there was the melody. The Greeks used this to great effect at funerals. The Seikilos Epitaph is one of the oldest pieces of transcribed music in existence. It was found near Turkey written on the headstone of some dead Greek person.
Melody didn’t change much.
The melody for many years was dominated by the Christian churches. Monks were very fond of it. That is where we get Gregorian chant. Then one day someone said:
“Hey, what if I sing two different notes at the same time?”
And harmony was born.
Now the church had the market cornered on both melody and harmony. But songs of lasciviousness were starting to creep in. (I won’t tell if you won’t.)
Then there was the Renaissance. Enlightenment for all; Music for everybody!
The Renaissance brought wide changes in the way music was thought of. After the Renaissance, there was the Baroque – If it’s not Baroque, don’t fix it – in which composers like Bach and Handle were very prominent.
If you hate opera, you should blame its existence on the Baroque period. You should also blame Claudio Monteverdi. He wrote madrigals until some guy criticized his style. To get back at his critic Monteverdi wrote Orpheo. The first opera was written out of vengeance. Take from that what you will.
Then there was the classical music period. Mozart and Beethoven were the men of the day. Rock me Amadeus.
Next came the Romantic period: the favorite themes of the day were death and unrequited love. That just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, doesn’t it?
At last we reach modernism. That would be from the turn of the century up till now. We won’t go into the more “interesting” styles of music (atonal) but will instead go right to Spirituals. From spirituals to gospel, from gospel to jazz and from jazz to rock and roll.
Elvis made us swoon and swing our hips in the 50’s. In the 60’s The Beatles made us Coo, Coo, Cachoo; The Who gave us Babba O’Reily with Teenage Wastelands.
Then there was the 70’s. Disco didn’t die. Rock and roll killed it.
In the 80’s we had hair bands and leg warmers. In spite of all its failings, most of us still love the 80’s. In the early 90’s we had rap music and in the later part of the decade, the invention of punk rock. Sadly, this was also a strong teeny bopper era.
Currently we have a diverse culture of music, consisting of everything from Opera to R and B. From Gilbert and Sullivan operettas to Simon and Garfunkle’s easy listening.
And that has been a brief overview of music.
Good day.

I hope that works. I’ve certainly enjoyed it. I’m mot concerned about my semicolon use. But I found it very interesting how I kept wondering if I should go with a period or a colon.

Lukeman Exercise Three / Karrie Gull

There were no exercises at the end of section three. I liked what Lukeman said about the use of the question mark. Sometimes i have a problem with using the question mark in an improper way. I didn't realize it, but i often use the question mark as lukeman says, "to immediately hook the reader in a cheap way." I find that I often start a short story with the use and continue to frequently use the question mark throughout some of my work. With this knowledge i will work on limiting my use of the comma.

Lukeman Exercise Part 2 | Samantha Gay

I rarely use dashes in my writing; I avoid them. I picked an exercise that required me to add some more style into the writing. Below is the original excerpt and the second paragraph is the revised edition.

“Why hello!” He said, his voice surprisingly clear and bright. “Been looking for you all day. Come on in!” Kyle’s father shook his head regretfully. “Love to Dad, but I am afraid that I have to hit the road again. Gotta get back into town for work in the morning.” Kyle watched as his grandfathers eyes became clouded with disappointment. “Are you sure you won’t come in for a cup of coffee?” Kyle’s father nodded as he walked back down the steps, waving at the two of them. “Yeah, I’m sure. See you later Kyle! Have a good time! Bye Dad.” Then he pulled out before they even had time to say good-bye.



“Why ‘ello!” He said, his voice surprisingly clear and bright. “Been looking for you all day—come on in!”
Kyle’s father shook his head, a false smile stuck on his face. It made Kyle sick.
“Love to Dad, but I am afraid that I have to hit the road again. Gotta get back into town for work in the morning.”
Kyle looked away as his grandfathers eyes became clouded with disappointment.
“Are you sure you won’t come in for a cup of coffee? It has been so long since you—”
Kyle’s father shook his head again, and walked back towards the car, waving at the two of them.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure.” He said distractedly, “See you later Kyle! Have a good time and help your grandfather! Bye Dad.” Then he pulled out before they even had time to say good-bye.

Now that I have learned more about the dash, I am not as afraid to use it in my writing. It gave me extra freedom, and added a more realistic feeling to the piece.

Lukeman Exercise Part Two / Karrie Gull

I did the exercise at the bottom of page 179. It said to count the number of sentences in my paragraphs, and what is the average? My typical short paragraph had anywhere from 3 sentences to 5 sentences. Then is said to go back and look at the individual paragraphs and see if any paragraphs significantly exceed or fall short of that length. And could i find a way to balance them out? What impact does this have on my work? I decided to choose a small section from one of the papers i am writing in another class. At this area of my paper my paragraphs are small and could do with some more content. I could be more broad.
Here is the Paragraphs to begin with:
Is one’s individual happiness worth the misery or hurt of another? In The Market Economy, it is appalling that someone would actually consider selling the health of their child for a color TV (499). It is very irrational. It’s selfish to inflict something so permanent in exchange for a momentary, short lived pleasure.
In a perfect world, all who knew the truth of Omelas would walk away and never take a second glance back. Though an individual’s answer would depend solely on what they find important, and what they would sacrifice to achieve a Utopian happiness.
Therefore a moral economy is based on goodness, fairness, and justice. It is not set up perfectly with one minor imperfection. A moral economy is fair and just to all who live within the economy’s borders. This may be a strict and overly general statement, but perhaps a certain place does not and will never exist. Given the choice the story provides, it would be far better to walk away into the unknown, then to partake of the inner turmoil daily and possibly eternally.
Here is what i changed:
Is one’s individual happiness worth the misery or hurt of another? In the poem The Market Economy, it is appalling that someone would actually consider selling the health of their child for a color TV (499). It is very irrational. It’s selfish to inflict something so permanent in exchange for a momentary, short lived pleasure. What is the price for happiness, this is the question that should influence a decision. Everyone is different and many would give up many things, that are different to another. What is irrational to me may not be irrational to the next person. Therefore it should be considered what a general Utopia would be defined as.
In a perfect world, all who knew the truth of Omelas would walk away and never take a second glance back. Though an individual’s answer would depend solely on what they find important, and what they would sacrifice to achieve a Utopian happiness. Hopefully it would not be at the pain of another human being. Many feel that if they do not feel pain, then the pain does not exist. This is not true, and it is not moral.
Therefore a moral economy is based on goodness, fairness, and justice. It is not set up perfectly with one minor imperfection. A moral economy is fair and just to all who live within the economy’s borders. This may be a strict and overly general statement, but perhaps a certain place does not and will never exist. Given the choice the story provides, it would be far better to walk away into the unknown, then to partake of the inner turmoil daily and possibly eternally.
(I don't know if i did this right, but i tried)

Lukeman Exercise Part Two | Celeste Johnson

I have always known the basic use of a colon taught in elementary school. I never knew that I could add it to my writing and be creative with its use. That was an exciting revelation! I poured over all sorts of pieces I am working on trying to find one that I could add a colon or two, changing the structure and pace for the better. Here is a selection from the short fiction piece I am working on before I changed it:

A bit of extra dust kicked up in the breeze, blowing up his nose. He sneezes then grimaces, as the pain in his thigh resonates through his battered body. He leans back against the jagged rock and looks at his lame, blood coated leg. It is now that Hank decides rescue may not come. No one knew exactly where he went. He mutters self-loathing criticism under his breath. He must be vigilant to stay awake, sleep would end badly. Trying to keep his mind alert, he occupies it by remembering how he got into this predicament.

Here is a few changes (including also some of the things learned from part one of Lukeman's book):

A bit of extra dust kicked up in the breeze blows up his nose. He sneezes, then grimaces as the pain in his thigh resonates through his battered body. He leans back against the jagged rock and looks at his lame, blood coated leg. It is now that Hank decides rescue may not come; no one knew exactly where he went. He mutters self-loathing criticism under his breath. He must be vigilant to stay awake: sleep would end badly. Trying to keep his mind alert, he occupies it with memories of how he got into this predicament.

I learned more than I thought I did. I don't know if anyone can really notice the differences between the two, but I did. I like the emphasis on the "sleep would end badly" part. I don't have the previous paragraph posted here, so it might not make much sense, but for the overall piece, it adds a lot to the story. I love these new realizations about creative writing punctuation.

Lukeman exercise part two | Suzanne Christensen

Original
Why hello there, my name is Jo and I would like to tell you a story.

Fixed
Why hello there, my name is Jo (yes I am a boy) and I would like to tell you a story.

Original
Why is McGregor’s factory so important? He makes his socks from the finest cotton and wool found in Canada.

Fixed
Why is McGregor’s factory so important? Because - he makes his socks from the finest cotton and wool that can only be found in Canada.

When I added the parenthesis I was able to clarify the gender of the sock quickly without adding a bunch of words that could have taken away from the story. Instead I was able to have a smooth transition and still clarify the socks gender.

I looked at a few lines and found one that is important but needed a boost you could say, so I added a dash. When I added the dash I was amazed at what a difference it made to the story. It made me stop and really look at the next sentence. I was happy with the results because I want people to see why this factory is better than someone else’s factory. This factory makes only the best which is why he is considered to be the best.

I never really thought about using the parenthesis or the dash in a piece of work besides poetry and found myself amazed at the results it brought to my story.

Lukeman exercise part two | Kimberly Bennett

So, first I thought I would add a colon to make an ending statement more profound. I chose a paragraph from the story I did my public reading on that I didn't have a chance to read. It went as follows.
I would eventually come to find out that there was a chosen one and that this little incident was really a reflection on my companion’s people skills, not his sanity. But the problem is this. I am not the chosen one. And I never was.

I changed it to this:

I would eventually come to find out that there was a chosen one and that this little incident was really a reflection on my companion’s people skills, not his sanity. But, there is a problem. I am not the chosen one: I never was.

Though interesting, I can't decide if I want the sentence break there to strike a friendlier tone or not. I feel on the one hand, having the colon makes a big impression. It says that the fact that this girl is not the chosen one is a big deal. But I feel it adds a more serious implication than I want the tone of the story to have. It is a comedy. I guess more appropriately it is a "dramady", a situation in which the drama is built up through nuances and character development in the face of a somewhat rediculous situation. Having "And I never was," as a new sentence makes it seem more thrown out as a "by the way, this is going to be interesting". A colon seems to explain the gravity of the situation. Which, maybe is what I want. A brief moment of complete seriousness amidst the comady.
I'm not sure, I'll have to think on it some more. I just never would have thought of it before.

Lukeman Excercise Part Two | Marjorie Riches

Original Description:
My dates name was Jessica and her shirt was hanging off of her like a window drape, barely keeping the light out. I knew she had done it for me, wanting me to see what I had the chance to get tonight. I wasn't impressed.

New Description:
My dates name was Jessica and her shirt was hanging off of her like a window drape, barely keeping the light out. I knew she had done it for me, wanting me to see what I had the chance to get tonight: I wasn't impressed.

I think that adding the colon changes the effect of the last line. I can't decide whether it is the effect I want or not. I never really use colons in my work and I think that I should start using them more. I think that that will help me to get used to them and to realize that they really do add the emphasis. In this description, the last par "I wasn't impressed" is the most important line. I do think that the colon helps it to stand out and shows its importance in summing up everything about this date.