Lukeman Exercise Part 2 | Samantha Gay

I rarely use dashes in my writing; I avoid them. I picked an exercise that required me to add some more style into the writing. Below is the original excerpt and the second paragraph is the revised edition.

“Why hello!” He said, his voice surprisingly clear and bright. “Been looking for you all day. Come on in!” Kyle’s father shook his head regretfully. “Love to Dad, but I am afraid that I have to hit the road again. Gotta get back into town for work in the morning.” Kyle watched as his grandfathers eyes became clouded with disappointment. “Are you sure you won’t come in for a cup of coffee?” Kyle’s father nodded as he walked back down the steps, waving at the two of them. “Yeah, I’m sure. See you later Kyle! Have a good time! Bye Dad.” Then he pulled out before they even had time to say good-bye.



“Why ‘ello!” He said, his voice surprisingly clear and bright. “Been looking for you all day—come on in!”
Kyle’s father shook his head, a false smile stuck on his face. It made Kyle sick.
“Love to Dad, but I am afraid that I have to hit the road again. Gotta get back into town for work in the morning.”
Kyle looked away as his grandfathers eyes became clouded with disappointment.
“Are you sure you won’t come in for a cup of coffee? It has been so long since you—”
Kyle’s father shook his head again, and walked back towards the car, waving at the two of them.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure.” He said distractedly, “See you later Kyle! Have a good time and help your grandfather! Bye Dad.” Then he pulled out before they even had time to say good-bye.

Now that I have learned more about the dash, I am not as afraid to use it in my writing. It gave me extra freedom, and added a more realistic feeling to the piece.