Exercise 2/Latoya Rhodes

Question: Take two pages from your work and cut the paragraph length in half. You might need to cut or add material so that these paragraphs work at half length. Take a step back and reread the material. How does it read now? What impact did it have on pacing, on style? Did switching to such a style spark any ideas? Can you apply this technique elsewhere in your work?

1st Draft:

The sky is a blue hue with a hint of white in it. Not because of the clouds, but because there are no clouds in the sky. The sun shines so bright where if I look at it, it makes my eyes become engulfed in the flaming, beaming, blinding rays that shimmer, and flick behind a giant tree which shades and hugs my being. The mountain with its colors of red, orange, brown, tan; and cracks that are deeply formed which looks like a female womb. And mysterious caves that are dark, black, and have inner ridges. The mountain stands supreme, determined, destined to continue its growth toward the never ending sky.

Revised:

The sky is a blue hue with a hint of white in it. There are no clouds. The sun shines bright. I can not look at its flaming, beaming rays because it's blinding. The trees shade my being. The mountain is covered with the colors of red, orange, brown, and tan. There are cracks in the mountain that looks like a female womb. Mysterious caves are dark, and black. They have inner ridges. The mountain stands supreme. Determined to touch the sky.

Thoughts:

That was interesting. I felt that I had to change my style from what it was before. When I read both again, it sounds different. Not as much description. I think in a way it was harder. But than when I think about how I write. I sometimes can drag a thought out way to long. How does one person find a good balance?