Lukeman Exercise Part Two| Cassidy Maxwell

before:
A delicate, white butterfly fleets in and out of the contrasted green sage brush. blooming with luminous yellow flowers that overwhelm the bush. the butterfly seems overwhelmed too by the copious amount of blooms. it seems she floats over the blooms trying to decide which on has the sweetest nectar, which one can tempt her to land. after tedious searching she lands suddenly, catching me by surprise. this is so opposite from her constant flutter. she sits still on the flower extracting nectar from the internal bloom. that's the only time a butterfly is still, being distracted by sweet. her white silhouette last only a moment on the sage brush, the moment now gone. the wind has picked up and she movies with it, ever more collecting more sweet nectar in order to survive.
During:
I found that my sentences can use more ump by using the dashes within my work. I mostly just use commas or start another sentence-it seems I'm afraid to distract the reader by using a dash or parentheses. I choose to use exercise 4, to spice up my writing by adding dashes or parentheses. here is my work-
After:
A delicate, White butterfly fleets in and out of the contrasted green sage-blooming with luminous yellow flowers that overwhelm the bush.
by connecting these two sentences i actually bring the reader in by adding more detail to the sage. when i had them separated by a period, i felt the reader would not know i was talking about the sage still.
After tedious searching, she lands-catching me by surprise.
by adding the dash here I add more dimension to my sentence. I get to explain what the butterfly is doing but also add my own thoughts. this brings my perspective and thoughts into the piece.