Lukeman exercise part two | Suzanne Christensen

Original
Why hello there, my name is Jo and I would like to tell you a story.

Fixed
Why hello there, my name is Jo (yes I am a boy) and I would like to tell you a story.

Original
Why is McGregor’s factory so important? He makes his socks from the finest cotton and wool found in Canada.

Fixed
Why is McGregor’s factory so important? Because - he makes his socks from the finest cotton and wool that can only be found in Canada.

When I added the parenthesis I was able to clarify the gender of the sock quickly without adding a bunch of words that could have taken away from the story. Instead I was able to have a smooth transition and still clarify the socks gender.

I looked at a few lines and found one that is important but needed a boost you could say, so I added a dash. When I added the dash I was amazed at what a difference it made to the story. It made me stop and really look at the next sentence. I was happy with the results because I want people to see why this factory is better than someone else’s factory. This factory makes only the best which is why he is considered to be the best.

I never really thought about using the parenthesis or the dash in a piece of work besides poetry and found myself amazed at the results it brought to my story.