Beautiful Wisdom | Suzanne Christensen

Kids are the secret module to a parents' soul.

Lukeman exercise part two | Suzanne Christensen

Original
Why hello there, my name is Jo and I would like to tell you a story.

Fixed
Why hello there, my name is Jo (yes I am a boy) and I would like to tell you a story.

Original
Why is McGregor’s factory so important? He makes his socks from the finest cotton and wool found in Canada.

Fixed
Why is McGregor’s factory so important? Because - he makes his socks from the finest cotton and wool that can only be found in Canada.

When I added the parenthesis I was able to clarify the gender of the sock quickly without adding a bunch of words that could have taken away from the story. Instead I was able to have a smooth transition and still clarify the socks gender.

I looked at a few lines and found one that is important but needed a boost you could say, so I added a dash. When I added the dash I was amazed at what a difference it made to the story. It made me stop and really look at the next sentence. I was happy with the results because I want people to see why this factory is better than someone else’s factory. This factory makes only the best which is why he is considered to be the best.

I never really thought about using the parenthesis or the dash in a piece of work besides poetry and found myself amazed at the results it brought to my story.

Lukeman Exercise Part One | Suzanne Christensen

I took two paragraphs from a story I wrote.

Original
We called this house the white house due to the fact that the outside was painted white, but I always imagined that we lived in the Presidents white house, and not just some old run down two story home that looked like it would fall apart if the wind hit it just right.

Fixed
We called this house the white house. It was painted white. I always pretended we lived in the Presidents white house. Not some old crummy run down house that looked like it was going to fall over.

Original
It didn’t seem to retain heat very well either, the only thing we had to heat up the house what a wood stove in the middle of the house. I think there was a furnace but it didn’t seem to produce any heat and if it did the walls just sent it outside. My mom put insulation in all the windows and then plastic over the insulation. In an attempt to keep the heat from escaping my mom hung heavy blankets over the windows.

Fixed
It didn’t retain heat either. All we had was a wood stove in the middle of the house. There was a furnace but it produced little heat. My mom had to put insulation and plastic over all the windows.

I noticed that when I want someone to like what I have written I want it to be funny, which gives me a tendency to make my sentences and paragraphs kind of wordy. I noticed that I repeated myself a couple of times and put description that wasn’t necessarily needed to get the point across. It was interesting when taking the words out to make the sentences shorter because I think it also made them a little more meaningful and stronger. People were still able to get the point and maybe even more efficiently, than with all the extra stuff. Just like now. I am being wordy.

Venture #2 | Suzanne Christensen

For many years people have come and stared at this mountain. Every person who comes to look at nature sees something different and feels differently about the things they are looking at. Even the different times of the day cause the mountain to change making it bright and beautiful or dark and foreboding. It is just after twelve o’clock and I find myself sitting on the dirt across the street from this magnificent mountain side. As the sun shines down on the side of the mountain it changes the color to a reddish orange with a slight hint of brown. This side of the mountain that I am facing has deep cuts that go in different angles, the cuts travel from the very top all the way to the base where it begins to touch the ground. When looking up at the top it seems to change colors. It is not the same reddish orange but a darker red with more brown. The sky provides a background of deep blue which accents the top even more. As I begin to look more closely at this mountains beauty I begin to see the many different things that make this particular spot so amazing. Every imperfection tells a tale. There are even small green bushes that seem determined to reach the top. They have their own trail they follow. The trail begins at the bottom on the ground. This bush is not too big but knew that he wanted to see the world from the top. So he began slowly to climb, sending little seeds farther up with each new growth clinging to the rocks strength when threatened by other forces of nature. Growing stronger and more determined this bush began to get bigger as it reached the top. Finding a source of life he never thought imaginable when he was down on the ground. Wanting people to see the obstacles he has over come the bushes are still there showing the path in which he traveled.
This mountain has seen many hardships. Not just its own but others as well. He has seen mountain climbers trying to climb to the top using ropes and metal handles. Some climbers have succeeded, others have not. He would try to warn the less experienced ones so they wouldn’t get hurt but it was usually to no avail, they never listened. Sometimes they would get hurt very badly and then sometimes it was just a minor scrap or bruise. He always felt those were the lucky who should be more careful. The wind, rain, snow, fire, humans and sometimes even the animals would try to break him apart. They would beat against him breaking off tiny bits of rocks but they could not break the rock. When humans came with their dynamite and guns the rock would shake and tremble. They would try so hard to blow him up but, he wouldn’t let them. They might have gotten more than the other elements of the earth but he would not give in so easily. At times he didn’t mind being altered, especially if it was an artist who would come and transform part of him into something spectacular or when they would leave messages for each other he was glad to be apart of those things. I must admit I think this mountain is kind of smug, I think it stood up straighter when people were taking its picture.
This mountain has been here for many years, all the while developing certain qualities such as: honor, strength, courage, wisdom, and friendship. It has been these qualities that have made this mountain into a magnificent structure. Through its long suffering this structure still stands and will continue to stand for many years to come. It will continue to watch over the rivers, the trees, the many small plants, the birds, deer, people, and the many other creatures that are out there. Many will travel from near and far just to see this magnificent mountain, just so they too can feel this mountains strength, wisdom and even love. When they are near this mountain they feel as if they too can become a mountain, that they may also have the same strength and wisdom, so when they return to their world they may go back wiser and stronger than whence they came.

A Secret Introduction | Suzanne Christensen

When I was a little girl I went about my life as normal kids do. I had a bright pink bike that had a large white banana seat and a large white basket with daisies on the front that was connected to the handle bars. I took swimming lessons, climbed trees, broke bones (my own), fought with my brothers and sisters, and even brought home the occasional stray puppy and kitten (much to my mothers despair). The one thing that I never expected was that I was born deformed! Now, this is not a deformity that is very noticeable, apparently not because the first time I noticed it was when I was sixteen years old. I was washing my feet and for some reason took a closer look at my toes. They looked kind of weird, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. As I began to examine my feet closely it suddenly hit me, I have webbed toes! The skin between my second and third toe, on my left foot, is still there! My toes are connected from the second knuckle down. It’s no wonder I could swim so well, I was part fish. I was self conscious about my toes for many years and wouldn’t wear sandals for the fear of someone discovering my fishy toes. When I went to college I had the coolest roommate. She was a fiery red head that loved to have parties. One day at one of her parties she noticed or found out that I had webbed toes. My fear had finally come to pass. Somebody else knew. She ended up telling everyone there at the party and then quacked at me for the rest of the evening. I bet you are wondering how I handled it. Some people would have left and cried while others would have said something rude back. Well, I laughed. I thought it was the funniest thing she had ever said. I had never compared myself to a duck, but I imagine they are pretty fast swimmers too. I guess I realized it wasn’t such a big deal; after all it’s not really a deformity.

Quack, quack!