Lukeman Excercise Part Two | Benjamin Dowse

I decided to continue to work on the paragraph from excercise one because I think that the addition of a colon or two would improve it greatly. Here is the original, followed by revision including use of the colon.

Here it was, the culmination of a lifetime of hunting. There was only one animal from the "big 10" that he hadn't yet killed, and this animal had only been elusive because of the prohibitive price of hunting opportunities. Now was his chance for the buffalo. He had already paid for the opportunity to shoot one of the buffalo on this range and he greatly looked forward to the challenge. Waiting in green shadow, he heard as they rounded the buffalo toward him. As he tensed in anticipation, the buffalo charged into the middle of the clearing. He sized it up in his scope.

After a lifetime of hunting, waiting for this opportunity to finally come, he was finally here: he was ready. There was only one animal from the "big 10" that he hadn't yet killed, and this animal had only been elusive because of the prohibitive price of hunting opportunities. Now was his chance for the buffalo. He had already paid for the opportunity to shoot one of the buffalo on this range and he greatly looked forward to the challenge. Waiting in green shadow, he heard as they rounded the buffalo toward him. He tensed in anticipation, the buffalo charged into the middle of the clearing: he sized it up in his scope.

I think the addition of the colons in this paragraph make it much more dramatic. I like the way it "sounds" now.