Lukeman Exercise Part Two | Celeste Johnson

I have always known the basic use of a colon taught in elementary school. I never knew that I could add it to my writing and be creative with its use. That was an exciting revelation! I poured over all sorts of pieces I am working on trying to find one that I could add a colon or two, changing the structure and pace for the better. Here is a selection from the short fiction piece I am working on before I changed it:

A bit of extra dust kicked up in the breeze, blowing up his nose. He sneezes then grimaces, as the pain in his thigh resonates through his battered body. He leans back against the jagged rock and looks at his lame, blood coated leg. It is now that Hank decides rescue may not come. No one knew exactly where he went. He mutters self-loathing criticism under his breath. He must be vigilant to stay awake, sleep would end badly. Trying to keep his mind alert, he occupies it by remembering how he got into this predicament.

Here is a few changes (including also some of the things learned from part one of Lukeman's book):

A bit of extra dust kicked up in the breeze blows up his nose. He sneezes, then grimaces as the pain in his thigh resonates through his battered body. He leans back against the jagged rock and looks at his lame, blood coated leg. It is now that Hank decides rescue may not come; no one knew exactly where he went. He mutters self-loathing criticism under his breath. He must be vigilant to stay awake: sleep would end badly. Trying to keep his mind alert, he occupies it with memories of how he got into this predicament.

I learned more than I thought I did. I don't know if anyone can really notice the differences between the two, but I did. I like the emphasis on the "sleep would end badly" part. I don't have the previous paragraph posted here, so it might not make much sense, but for the overall piece, it adds a lot to the story. I love these new realizations about creative writing punctuation.