Lukeman Exercise Part Two | Lara Bennett
Before:
Kevin opened his yellow '65 Cadillac's door for me. Music poured out the sides. "Celebrate! Celebrate!" Kool and the Gang sang. We drove down the empty main street, passing closed down shops and bars, singing along with the ancient radio and cracking jokes as if we'd been best friends for years.
We pulled up to a house and walked throuh the graden gate into the backyard. Broken glass was scattered upon the floor, reflecting the colorful strands of christmas lights upwards, giving our faces all a soft glow.
A tiny girl wearing boots with her skirt introduced herself as Cheech took my hands and pulled me into the house. She introduced me to all sorts of strange people. I met girls with multi-colored hair and cat-eyed glasses who hugged me when we met, beraggled, bearded boys taking drags of each other's cigarettes.
The walls of the house were covered in modern art and old movie posters. A group of kids were seated in the living room, watching a documentary their friend made about an epidemic in another country. Each room was painted a different color of the rainbow, and there were several staircases leading up to the bedrooms.
Zur and I descended one stairwell and discovered a circular room full of instruments. Several guitars, keyboards, accordians, a banjo, a mandolin, xylophones, ocarinas, and a few more strange music makers I'd never even heard of, were strewn across the room. On the walls, life-sized pictures of Jim Morrison, John Lennon, George Harrison, and Jimi Hendrix were watching over like guardian angels.
After:
Kevin opened his yellow '65 Cadillac's door for me. Music poured out the sides: "Celebrate! Celebrate!" Kool and the Gang sang. We drove down the empty main street, passing closed down shops and bars, singing along with the ancient radio and cracking jokes as if we'd been best friends for years.
We pulled up to a house and walked throuh the garden gate into the backyard. Broken glass was scattered upon the floor, reflecting the colorful strands of christmas lights upwards, giving our faces all a soft glow.
A tiny girl wearing boots with her skirt introduced herself as Cheech took my hands and pulled me into the house. She introduced me to all sorts of strange people: girls with multi-colored hair and cat-eyed glasses who hugged me when we met, beraggled, bearded boys taking drags of each other's cigarettes.
The walls of the house were covered in modern art and old movie posters. A group of kids were seated in the living room, watching a documentary their friend made about an epidemic in another country. Each room was painted a different color of the rainbow, and there were several staircases leading up to the bedrooms.
Zur and I descended one stairwell and discovered a circular room full of instruments: several guitars, keyboards, accordians, a banjo, a mandolin, xylophones, ocarinas, and a few more strange music makers I'd never even heard of. On the walls, life-sized pictures of Jim Morrison, John Lennon, George Harrison, and Jimi Hendrix were watching over like guardian angels.
By replacing periods and a few extra words with colons, you decrease the choppiness of certain sentences. The sentence flows more naturally, and you eliminate excess.
I rarely before used semicolons, because I was unsure of the rules, or why they would be necessary, but now I see how they can improve a work to stress points and increase a shortl phrase's effectiveness.
Kevin opened his yellow '65 Cadillac's door for me. Music poured out the sides. "Celebrate! Celebrate!" Kool and the Gang sang. We drove down the empty main street, passing closed down shops and bars, singing along with the ancient radio and cracking jokes as if we'd been best friends for years.
We pulled up to a house and walked throuh the graden gate into the backyard. Broken glass was scattered upon the floor, reflecting the colorful strands of christmas lights upwards, giving our faces all a soft glow.
A tiny girl wearing boots with her skirt introduced herself as Cheech took my hands and pulled me into the house. She introduced me to all sorts of strange people. I met girls with multi-colored hair and cat-eyed glasses who hugged me when we met, beraggled, bearded boys taking drags of each other's cigarettes.
The walls of the house were covered in modern art and old movie posters. A group of kids were seated in the living room, watching a documentary their friend made about an epidemic in another country. Each room was painted a different color of the rainbow, and there were several staircases leading up to the bedrooms.
Zur and I descended one stairwell and discovered a circular room full of instruments. Several guitars, keyboards, accordians, a banjo, a mandolin, xylophones, ocarinas, and a few more strange music makers I'd never even heard of, were strewn across the room. On the walls, life-sized pictures of Jim Morrison, John Lennon, George Harrison, and Jimi Hendrix were watching over like guardian angels.
After:
Kevin opened his yellow '65 Cadillac's door for me. Music poured out the sides: "Celebrate! Celebrate!" Kool and the Gang sang. We drove down the empty main street, passing closed down shops and bars, singing along with the ancient radio and cracking jokes as if we'd been best friends for years.
We pulled up to a house and walked throuh the garden gate into the backyard. Broken glass was scattered upon the floor, reflecting the colorful strands of christmas lights upwards, giving our faces all a soft glow.
A tiny girl wearing boots with her skirt introduced herself as Cheech took my hands and pulled me into the house. She introduced me to all sorts of strange people: girls with multi-colored hair and cat-eyed glasses who hugged me when we met, beraggled, bearded boys taking drags of each other's cigarettes.
The walls of the house were covered in modern art and old movie posters. A group of kids were seated in the living room, watching a documentary their friend made about an epidemic in another country. Each room was painted a different color of the rainbow, and there were several staircases leading up to the bedrooms.
Zur and I descended one stairwell and discovered a circular room full of instruments: several guitars, keyboards, accordians, a banjo, a mandolin, xylophones, ocarinas, and a few more strange music makers I'd never even heard of. On the walls, life-sized pictures of Jim Morrison, John Lennon, George Harrison, and Jimi Hendrix were watching over like guardian angels.
By replacing periods and a few extra words with colons, you decrease the choppiness of certain sentences. The sentence flows more naturally, and you eliminate excess.
I rarely before used semicolons, because I was unsure of the rules, or why they would be necessary, but now I see how they can improve a work to stress points and increase a shortl phrase's effectiveness.
Labels: lara bennett, Lukeman Exercise Two, punctuation
posted by lara | 12:09 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home