Lukeman Exercise Part One | Tyson Pulsipher

I took one of my sentences that was longer, and made it into short choppy sentences. To me it seems effective, as it kind of builds dramatically on what is about to happen in the story. Also, the sentences following the revision are longer, so I feel it mixes it up a bit.

Original:
My brother went first, he always did, I don’t think it was because he was fearless, but because he wanted to show me that he was tougher than I was.

Revised:
My brother went first. He always did. I don't think it was because he was fearless. He just wanted to show me that he was tougher. He had some trouble getting down, and the ladder almost fell out from under him, but he made it. I had witnessed the whole thing though, and I could see in my mind that ladder falling out from underneath me, and my body crashing to the ground, falling on top of the ladder, breaking bones and all sorts of other things.