Introducing Semicolons Into Longer Sentences
Original Paragraph
When she finally turned 16 she got her license and a car and the first thing to do with both of those things was to come see her Ashlie. It was a long drive, about six hours, and her mother was worried about her going all the way alone. So without consulting my parents I promised momma Theresa that I would meet her halfway in my car in Bakersfield. So the day arrived and I still hadn't gotten permission to make the six hour round trip to meet her. I grabbed my boyfriend, his best friend, two packs of smokes, my best mix tapes (my car never had a cd player) and told my parents we were going out for breakfast.
Revised Paragraph
When she finally turned 16 she got her license and a car; the first thing to do with both of those things was to come see her Ashlie. It was a long drive, about six hours, and her mother was worried about her going all the way alone. So without consulting my parents I promised momma Theresa that I would meet her halfway in my car in Bakersfield. So the day arrived and I still hadn't gotten permission to make the six hour round trip to meet her. I grabbed my boyfriend, his best friend, two packs of smokes, my best mix tapes (my car never had a cd player); I told my parents we were going out for breakfast.
Thoughts:
By placing semicolons in my work it gave the sentences more of a unique voice. I only put in two but it gave the last sentence more of an ironic tone. It gives a pause to allow the reader to appreciate why I found that piece of information funny. I was about to make a 6 hour trip and all I told my parents was that I was going to breakfast! I think a dash also would have worked well but from reading the book I have realized that dashes, exclamation points and ellipses are the mark of an inexperienced writer (unfortunately I like to use these A LOT)
When she finally turned 16 she got her license and a car and the first thing to do with both of those things was to come see her Ashlie. It was a long drive, about six hours, and her mother was worried about her going all the way alone. So without consulting my parents I promised momma Theresa that I would meet her halfway in my car in Bakersfield. So the day arrived and I still hadn't gotten permission to make the six hour round trip to meet her. I grabbed my boyfriend, his best friend, two packs of smokes, my best mix tapes (my car never had a cd player) and told my parents we were going out for breakfast.
Revised Paragraph
When she finally turned 16 she got her license and a car; the first thing to do with both of those things was to come see her Ashlie. It was a long drive, about six hours, and her mother was worried about her going all the way alone. So without consulting my parents I promised momma Theresa that I would meet her halfway in my car in Bakersfield. So the day arrived and I still hadn't gotten permission to make the six hour round trip to meet her. I grabbed my boyfriend, his best friend, two packs of smokes, my best mix tapes (my car never had a cd player); I told my parents we were going out for breakfast.
Thoughts:
By placing semicolons in my work it gave the sentences more of a unique voice. I only put in two but it gave the last sentence more of an ironic tone. It gives a pause to allow the reader to appreciate why I found that piece of information funny. I was about to make a 6 hour trip and all I told my parents was that I was going to breakfast! I think a dash also would have worked well but from reading the book I have realized that dashes, exclamation points and ellipses are the mark of an inexperienced writer (unfortunately I like to use these A LOT)
posted by ASHLIE MEREDITH | 11:47 AM
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