Lukeman Excercise Part One/ Cherity M. Prince-Phillips

I did the exercise where one had to imagine a character who thinks in short sentences.

Short sentences: I hate this. It’s cold outside. She’s laughing again while I freeze. If I go inside she’ll tell. I can’t stand it much longer. My fingers are turning blue. She’s almost done. Please, just hurry. I shove my hands in my pockets. It’s warm there away from her. I hate her.

Versus

Long sentences: She’s laughing again, while I freeze in her cold bitterness that permeates the air and suffocates my thoughts. Everything is frozen and blue in her slow calculating movements; if I go inside she will surely tell someone that it was me. So I watch, with my hands in my pockets, hating every minute of her slowness.

This person is a juvenile and he is cold. He’s impatient to be inside. The shortness is supposed to convey both the hurried thoughts and the coldness of both the outside and the girl. I think the short sentences work better because you feel more like you are the character versus you are watching the character. The shortness helps bring out his irritation. This lesson helped me understand the differences in how to push one's character across in a more believable way.