Lukeman Exercise Part One | Robin Cole

A small cry. Waves, and again, a cry. Siryha sat up and they both looked towards the ocean. A scream.

I really like the punctuation I chose in these few sentences, but I believe that my intent didn't transcend the text. This section signals a major turn in the story, but I think that it came on almost too strong. The initial cry is supposed to be quiet, but definitely distinct.

A small cry, waves, and again a cry. Siryha sat up and they both looked towards the ocean. A scream.

When the first two sentences flow together with commas the sound of the cry flows into the sounds of the waves. The scream, however, stands apart and picks up the pace.