Lukeman Exercise Part 1-Sarah Thomas

Original:
I pass by a fellow employee on my way to clock in, and got nothing more than a head nod. I don’t even bother to nod back. I look at my watch and painfully realize I am already counting down the millions of seconds left before I even reach the time clock. My feet drag as I enter my eight-hour shift. I ask my manager if she has any projects she’d like me to work on today, but like every other day, she tells me to just “size, straighten, and fold.”
New:
A fellow employee gives me the head nod as I go to clock in. I look at my watch and realize I am already counting down the seconds until the end of my shift. I ask my manager if she needs my help with a project, but all she can tell me to do is, "Size, straighten, and fold."

I noticed in my writing that the shorter sentences help move the story along a lot faster, which is a great way to get the slow sections of a story really moving. It can easily bore a reader to hear every description of the irrelevant parts of the story, so it's important to not drag out the uninteresting events. The short sentences are straight to the point, and make the story easy to follow, because there is less wordiness for the reader to become confused in.