Anxiously Waiting | Latoya Rhodes

Question: Imagine a character who thinks in short sentences. Who would this be? Why would he think this way? Capture his viewpoint on the page, using short sentences. Do the short sentences help bring out who he is? Do they make the text feel one and the same with the character? Can you apply this technique elsewhere in your writing?

Original writing:

Anxious for this day to begin so that It can be over soon. The weekend is just in a matter of days and just thinking about it makes my palms sweat, and butterflies fill my stomach. I tap my pen on my notebook, and pretend to cough so that I can break the awkward silence between the awaiting students.

Anxiously, I wait. Hoping the day will begin. The weekend is in a matter of days. My palms begin to sweat. Butterflies fill my stomach. Tap, tap, tap goes my pen. I cough to break the silence. Class finally begins.