Cassi's Interesting Fact Expanded

Hello, my name is Cassi, and I am a cheese addict. (Somewhere, a room full of pathetic-looking people unenthusiastically chorus, “Hello, Cassi.”)

Yes, it’s true. I’m addicted to cheese. Now, as you read this you may think, “So? A lot of people like cheese. That’s not very unusual.” Let me explain– I’m grossly, horribly, unnaturally in love with cheese. I practically bathe my food in it. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling at the very sight of it. I’ve been trying desperately to kick my terribly unhealthy habit in order to lose weight, but I truly believe that divine intervention stepped in to stop me from walking away from cheesy happiness.

The other day, my roommate called me into the kitchen. She had a box full of cheeses and said, “Hey, a semi carrying a bunch of dairy rolled over and my mom got us all this free cheese. I hope you’ll help me eat it. There’s boxes of it here.” Now, a normal person might ask about the semi. Was anyone hurt? How did it happen? But, as I said, I’m not a normal person, and I answered thusly: “Cheese? Oh wow.... oh wow... look at all the cheese... Are you kidding me? It’s like a sign from God, and He’s saying, ‘Eat, child. Eat the cheese, for it is good.”