Lukeman Exercise #2 | Bree Seely

Dashes and parentheses can be used to spice up sections of writing that feels too simplistic or straightforward. Are there any such areas in your work? Using a pair of dashes or parentheses, add an aside or two. Be less constrained. How does it transform the writing?

Original:

The worn wood lays still as tennis shoes scuff over it wearing it further. It's friends nearby moan and groan as the weight of the humans is put on their backs. The humans pass and the planks relax, their knotted smashed selves nailed to the iron prison of a bridge. At the end of the day, each plank dreams of his home. Many were from forests thousands of miles from their present location. Many are from the same mountains as this bridge was made in. There are birch, oak, aspen and ash, all crammed integrated to make these humans lives easier. They each loved the sound of the water's gurgling laughter as it freely floated beneath them. Each plank remembers his won journey. Being sawed in half and chopped up into pieces to make the plank of wood they became. The rest of their tree entity went on somewhere else, never to have a reunion with its counterparts again.

Revised with Dashes and Parentheses:

The worn wood lays still as sneakers scuff across it-- wearing the wood further. It's friends nearby moan and groan as the weight of the humans is put on their backs. The humans pass and the planks relax, their knotted smashed selves nailed to the iron prison of a bridge. At the end of the day, each plank dreams of his home. Many were from forests thousands of miles from their present location. Many are from the same mountains as this bridge was made in. There are birch, oak, aspen and ash, all crammed integrated to make these humans lives easier. They each loved the sound of the water's gurgling laughter as it freely floated beneath them. Each plank remembers his won journey. Being sawed in half and chopped up into pieces to make the plank of wood they became. The rest of their tree entity went on somewhere else-- never to have a reunion with its counterparts again.

I think it put more emphasis on the fact that people walking across the bridge were wearing it down further with each step. Also when the tree's parts were to never be reunited. It emphasized that fact more and made it more important, more emotional.