Lukeman Exercise Part Two |Tawn Jewkes

Wow, everybody else has written a lot on this exercise. I just picked out one sentence I wanted to change. I wanted to do a colon exercise because I don't use them very often so it was hard to find a spot in my writing where I felt one would fit. The only exercise I would do for this was the first one. That is why I only have one sentence on the exercise, but it's a good one and well worth the change. I felt it was very appropriate to change the sentence and add a colon. I think it made a huge difference in the overall effect of the sentence and what was to be revealed. I like the revised version a lot better. I originally used a dash, but decided the point would be better put across if I used a colon. So the original sentence says:

There are two boys that compete for my affection--best friends actually.

I revised it to read:

There are two boys that compete for my affection: they are best friends.

By changing the dash to a colon I felt that it made the fact that the boys were best friends more dramatic. It emphasized this more and shows the reader the importance of the fact. The colon makes the reader pause to think about the conflict that will arise in two boys who are best friends liking the same girl. The colon definitely adds the emphasis I was looking for.